995. Riley in the Morning (Sandra Brown)

Synopsis:
This romance tells the story of the passion, marriage, and breakup of Jon Riley, a popular morning TV show host in San Francisco, and Brin Cassidy, his producer and wife. Throughout the back and forth of present and past, there is the usual romance device of the secret that will only be revealed at the end.

My rating: 1 star

988. The Bridges of Madison County (Robert James Waller)

Synopsis:
When Robert Kincaid drives through the heat and dust of an Iowa summer and turns into Francesca Johnson's farm lane looking for directions, the world-class photographer and the Iowa farm wife are joined in an experience of uncommon truth and stunning beauty that will haunt them forever.

My rating: 1 star

933. Scarecrow (Matthew Reilly)

Synopsis from Amazon UK:
As 'Scarecrow' Schofield watches his mission to eliminate a Siberian turn into a bloodbath, he realises he has been tricked - and now become the prey rather than the predator. For a shadowy consortium of staggering power and wealth has included his name on a list of fifteen targets to be eliminated without fail by twelve noon that same day. Now every high-powered bounty hunter on the planet is on his trail, while he must simultaneously track down the perpetrators of a conspiracy about to reduce many of the major cities of the world to ashes. From Arctic Russia to the Afghan border, to France's Atlantic Coast, to a speed-of-light conflict over the Suez Canal, every form of ultra-tech weaponry comes into play in a spellbinding action drama unfolding within a mere twenty-four hours.

My rating: 1 star

920. Ethan Frome (Edith Wharton)

Cover of first edition

Synopsis from Amazon:
Ethan Frome works his unproductive farm and struggles to maintain a bearable existence with his difficult, suspicious, and hypochondriac wife, Zeenie. But when Zeenie’s vivacious cousin enters their household as a “hired girl,” Ethan finds himself obsessed with her and with the possibilities for happiness she comes to represent.

My rating: 1 star

899. The Gilded Lily (Helen Argers)

Synopsis from Amazon:
A protagonist who rebels against the social conventions of the Gilded Age, Nina De Bonnard has a sharp wit and a temper to match. As a young girl, Nina experienced a side of male behavior so damaging that she picks and rejects male suitors like the gowns in her closet. Such behavior earns her a reputation, and makes her a target for the amorous attentions of some and pedestal-toppling plans of others. She is drawn to Jordan Houghton Windsor, eldest son of the Windsor newspaper dynasty, who is the only man strong enough to challenge her willfulness. But misunderstandings keep them apart, and no sooner is one conflict resolved than fate conspires to separate them with another.

My rating: 1 star

My review: A really crap romance couched as "historical fiction." It's not even Edith Wharton-lite; it's more like Edith Wharton for Dummies. The author embraces the veneer of the Gilded Age, such as its incredible opulence, but she fails miserably in addressing the social issues of the upper class. The book's main problem is its main character Nina, a self-centered brat. Now, I like the occasional self-centered character (we can't all be humble, modest, generous souls) but Nina is so annoying that by the second half of the book, I began to wonder why Jordan even bothered with her because in my mind she had no redeeming qualities. Anyone who is a fan of Edith Wharton and/or Henry James will find this book ridiculous.

833. Eva Luna (Isabel Allende)

Synopsis from Barnes & Noble:
A woman makes love to an Indian dying of snakebite, miraculously restoring him to life and engendering a daughter named Eva``so she will love life.'' Thus begins Allende's latest novel, a magnificent successor to The House of the Spirits and Of Love & Shadows. Set in a Latin American country, it relates Eva's picaresque adventures. Brought up in the house of an eccentric doctor devoted to mummifying corpses, where her mother is a servant, Eva is left an orphan at six. Her black godmother, or madrina , leases her as a servant to a series of bizarre households of metaphorical significance, the last of which she leaves in grand style upon emptying a government Minister's chamberpot over his head. Interleaved with Eva's story is her account of a certain Rolf Carle, with whom her life will become linkedshe tells of his youth in Nazi Austria and young manhood as a filmmaker in South America. Through a series of improbable and felicitous coincidences, Eva is taken under the wing of such exotic benefactors as a street urchin who becomes a guerrilla leader, a colorful whorehouse Madam, a kindly Turkish merchant and a stunningly beautiful transsexual.

My rating: 1 star

820. Green Eggs and Ham (Dr. Seuss)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Sam-I-am is as persistent as a telemarketer, changing as many variables as possible in the hopes of convincing the nameless skeptic that green eggs and ham are a delicacy to be savored. He tries every manner of presentation with this "nouveau cuisine"--in a house, with a mouse, in a box, with a fox, with a goat, on a boat--to no avail. Then finally, finally the doubter caves under the tremendous pressure exerted by the tireless Sam-I-am. And guess what? Well, you probably know what happens, but even after reading Green Eggs and Ham the thousandth time, the climactic realization that green eggs and ham are "so good, so good, you see" is still a rush.

My rating: 1 star

My review: Call me weird but I never liked Dr. Seuss, even as a child.

805. Tempting Juliana (Lauren Royal)

Synopsis from Barnes & Noble:
It's a good thing Juliana Chase takes such pleasure in playing matchmaker, because there's nothing she wants more than to see her loved ones happy. Her latest pairing involves Dr. James Trevor, Earl of Stafford, and her friend, Amanda. So why does the handsome physician insist on ignoring her good intentions -- and shaking up her sensible plans?

My rating: 1 star

799. The Last Templar (Raymond Khoury)

Synopsis from Amazon:
“It has served us well, this myth of Christ.”
—Pope Leo X, 16th Century

In a hail of fire and flashing sword, as the burning city of Jerusalem falls from the hands of the West in 1291, The Last Templar opens with a young Templar knight, his mentor, and a handful of others escaping to the sea carrying a mysterious chest entrusted to them by the Order’s dying Grand Master. The ship vanishes without a trace.

In present day Manhattan, four masked horsemen dressed as Templar Knights emerge from Central Park and ride up the Fifth Avenue steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art during the blacktie opening of a Treasures of the Vatican exhibit. Storming through the crowds, the horsemen brutally attack anyone standing between them and their prize. Attending the gala, archaeologist Tess Chaykin watches in silent terror as the leader of the horsemen hones in on one piece in particular, a strange geared device. He utters a few cryptic Latin words as he takes hold of it with reverence before leading the horsemen out and disappearing into the night.

In the aftermath, an FBI investigation is led by anti-terrorist specialist Sean Reilly. Soon, he and Tess are drawn into the dark, hidden history of the crusading Knights, plunging them into a deadly game of cat and mouse with ruthless killers as they race across three continents to recover the lost secret of the Templars.

My rating: 1 star

769. Scandal (Heather Cullman)

Synopsis from Amazon:
When Gideon Harwood, who has recently returned to England from India, is introduced to Lord Stanwell in London, he is surprised to find he already knows the nobleman, but by a different name. To prevent Gideon from revealing his bigamous secret, Lord Stanwell offers Gideon the chance to wed his daughter, Julia, since marriage will give Gideon the one thing all of his recently acquired wealth cannot buy: entree into the ton and better marriage prospects for his sisters. Forced into a marriage of convenience, both Julia and Gideon initially agree to pretend their marriage is a love match, but as they gradually get to know one another, both of them find keeping up the pretense that they are in love is suddenly very easy to do.

My rating: 1 star

750. Guardian of the Horizon (Elizabeth Peters)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Amelia Peabody and her husband Emerson, along with their son Ramses and foster daughter Nefret, are summoned back to the Lost Oasis, a hidden stronghold in the western desert whose existence they discovered many years ago (in The Last Camel Died At Noon) and have kept secret from the entire world, including their fellow Egyptologists. According to Merasen, the brother of the ruling monarch, their old friend Prince Tarek is in grave danger and needs their help, however it's not until they retrace their steps back to the Oasis, with its strange mixture of Meroitic and Egyptian cultures, that they learn the real reason for their journey.

My rating: 1 star

744. Demon Rumm (Sandra Brown)

Synopsis from Amazon:
It was the publicity stunt from hell as far as Kirsten Rumm was concerned. She may have been writing the book about her late husband, aeronautical daredevil Demon Rumm, but she didn’t see the need to play host to the arrogant bad-boy actor starring in the film version’s title role. Still, for the good of the project, Kirsten agreed to share her beachfront home with the impossibly sexy screen idol.

Any other woman would do anything to be in her sandals, but Kirsten wasn’t falling for Rylan North, even if he did play his role of male lead to perfection. His down-home charm, his gentleness and virile charisma, might be seducing her in every sense of the word, but he was an actor, after all. Seducing an audience was his job. Rylan could have any woman he wanted. So why was he so desperately pretending to want her?

From the moment he saw her, Rylan North knew that Kirsten Rumm was the woman he’d been waiting all his life to cast as the star in his real-life love story. What did it matter if he was every woman’s fantasy if he couldn’t get Kirsten to so much as glance his way? He’d caught the look of past hurt behind her sky-blue eyes–a dark secret that shadowed the sparkle. Rylan was determined to find out what tragedy held this passionate woman back from a second chance at love even if it cost him his reputation, his career, and his life. But first he’d have to get Kirsten to act on her instincts . . . and to trust the flesh-and-blood man behind the fantasy.

My rating: 1 star

My review: Wow. Books from the 80s do not hold up well. I read this for a book club and it ... sucks. A lot. Everything about it is terrible. The heroine is weak and annoying. The hero is pushy and annoying. The premise of the book doesn't make any sense. Here are a few criticisms (there's no way I can list them all):

• Rylan wears jean shorts -- we have already gone over the heinousness of this fashion crime. One star off automatically.
• In the beginning, Rylan is an extremely rude and pushy houseguest. Why doesn't Kirsten kick him out of the house? It's her house. The importance of a movie does not outweigh good manners.
  
• Rylan coming onto Kirsten. Dude, she lost her husband not too long ago. It's clear she hasn't gotten over it. Back off.
• Rylan is suddenly in love with Kirsten -- uh ... what???
• Rylan's "famous" stare. Dude, get over yourself.

In short, Kirsten's indecisiveness is tiresome (make up your mind already!). Rylan's a jackass. A match made in heaven.

I've read a lot of bad romances and this is one of the worst.

739. The Berlin Conspiracy (Tom Gabbay)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Wallowing in a post–Bay of Pigs funk, ex-CIA agent Jack Teller is called out of retirement in 1963 and sent to Berlin to meet an East German agent with a message for Jack's ears only in the debut of screenwriter and former TV producer Gabbay. Jack is floored by both his contact's identity and his information about a plot to kill President Kennedy during an upcoming visit to West Berlin. His dormant idealism roused, Jack delves into the conspiracy while dodging the threats of corrupt CIA higherups and falling in with colorful residents of Berlin's Cold War demimonde.

My rating: 1 star

My review: The writing is terrible; parts of the book sound like a bad gangster movie from the 1930s.

738. Bridge to Terabithia (Katherine Paterson)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Jess Aarons wants to be the fastest boy in the fifth grade -- he wants it so bad he can taste it. He's been practicing all summer, running in the fields around his farmhouse until he collapses in a sweat. Then a tomboy named Leslie Burke moves into the farmhouse next door and changes his life forever. Not only does Leslie not look or act like any girls Jess knows, but she also turns out to be the fastest runner in the fifth grade. After getting over the shock and humiliation of being beaten by a girl, Jess begins to think Leslie might be okay. Despite their superficial differences, it's clear that Jess and Leslie are soul mates. The two create a secret kingdom in the woods named Terabithia, where the only way to get into the castle is by swinging out over a gully on an enchanted rope. Here they reign as king and queen, fighting off imaginary giants and the walking dead, sharing stories and dreams, and plotting against the schoolmates who tease them. Jess and Leslie find solace in the sanctuary of Terabithia until a tragedy strikes and the two are separated forever.

My rating: 1 star

730. Death at Bishop's Keep (Robin Paige)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Kate Adrleigh is everything the Victorian English gentlewoman is not--outspoken, free-thinking, American ... and a writer of the frowned upon "penny-dreadfuls."

Soon after her arrival in Essex, England, a body is unearthed in a nearby archeological dig--and Kate has the chance to not only research her latest story ... but to begin her first case with amateur detective Sir Charles Sheridan.

My rating: 1 star

729. Paradise Postponed (John Mortimer)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Why does Simeon Simcox, "left-wing cleric" of an English village, leave the Simcox brewery millions to the morally loathsome Leslie "The Toad" Titmuss, city developer and Conservative cabinet minister? Simeon's sonsFred, the jazz-drumming doctor, and writer Henry, once "Britain's brightest and angriest"conduct separate sleuthing inquiries into Simeon's life and will. Was the low-born Titmuss, who has bought and sold his upper-crust associates and climbed to power on their crippled backs, really Simeon's offspring?

My rating: 1 star

725. The Red Pony (John Steinbeck)

Synopsis from Amazon:
The stories chronicle a young boy's maturation. In "The Gift," the best-known story, young Jody Tiflin is given a red pony by his rancher father. Under ranch hand Billy Buck's guidance, Jody learns to care for and train his pony, which he names Gabilan. Caught in an unexpected rain, Gabilan catches a cold and, despite Billy Buck's ministrations, dies. Jody watches the buzzards alight on the body of his beloved pony, and, distraught at his inability to control events, he kills one of them. The other stories in The Red Pony are "The Great Mountains," "The Promise," and "The Leader of the People," in which Jody develops empathy and also learns from his grandfather about "westering," the migration of people to new places and the urge for new experiences.

My rating: 1 star

716. The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing (Melissa Bank)

Synopsis from Amazon UK:
After following the advice from a manual called "How to Meet and Marry Mr Right", Jane learns that in love there is neither pattern nor promise, and never rules.

My rating: 1 star

My review: This book proves the point that one should never judge a book by its cover. In this case, I found the cover to be cute so I read it. BIG WASTE OF TIME. The author tries to be profound about life and love under a veneer of chick-lit. It doesn't work.

696. A Kiss of Fate (Mary Jo Putney)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Gwynne, the daughter of an eighteenth-century librarian and widow of one of the powerful Guardians, has always wished she had inherited the Guardians' magical talents, but she is an excellent librarian and scholar of Guardian history. Gwynne is consequently overwhelmed when she meets Lord Ballister, a Scottish laird and the most powerful Guardian weather worker in generations. And he is instantly besotted. Wanting nothing to do with him because of the visions of bloodshed she has when close to him, Gwynne nevertheless agrees to marry him at the behest of the Guardian Council, and her wedding night reveals that she really does have a Guardian gift. Then their love for each other and dedication to the Guardian cause bring new challenges when Bonnie Prince Charlie arrives in Scotland.

My rating: 1 star

687. The Making of Minty Malone (Isabel Wolff)

Synopsis from Amazon UK:
Everyone likes radio reporter Minty -- she's so terribly nice. But being nice doesn't save her from being jilted at the very altar by her attractive but domineering fiance Dominic. Ditched rather than hitched, a shocked Minty takes stock, and, on her husbandless honeymoon, she vows to become just a little less 'nice'. Joined by her fiery cousin Amber, whom no one could describe as sweet-natured, Minty sets out on a Quest for the Self, in which she will finally learn how to say 'No'. But Dominic's devastating desertion has left her with an unhealed wound. For if the man she loved could do that to her, then how can any man be trusted? But then Minty stumbles upon the real reason for Dominic's dreadful defection. Faced with the ugly truth, she prepares to move on, let go, and learn how to say 'Yes' once more.

My rating: 1 star