630. The History of England (Jane Austen)

1870 engraving of Jane Austen, based on a portrait drawn by her sister Cassandra

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
Aficionados of Jane Austen and of historical satire will delight in this spoof on the history of the British monarchy from 1399 to 1649. Austen's note that this history is "By a partial, prejudiced & ignorant Historian (Note: There will be very few Dates in this History)" hints at the tone of the work. What follows are brief, opinionated pieces, ranging from two sentences on Edward V "who lived so little a while that nobody had time to draw his picture" to 19 sentences on Elizabeth, of whom "It was the peculiar Misfortune... to have had bad Ministers -- Since wicked as she herself was, she could not have committed such extensive Mischief, had not these vile & abandoned Men connived at, and encouraged her in her Crimes." This publication contains a transcription as well as a full-color facsimile of the handwritten journal of 16-year-old Austen and small cameo paintings of the royals by her older sister, Cassandra, showing the early developed talent and wit of both sisters.

My rating: 5 stars

629. Side Effects (Woody Allen)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
Before Woody Allen set his sights on becoming the next Ingmar Bergman, he made a fleeting (but largely successful) attempt at becoming the next S.J Perelman. Side Effects, his third and final collection of humor pieces, shows his efforts. These essays appeared in The New Yorker during the late 1970s, as he showed more and more discontent with his funnyman status. Fear not, humor fans--Allen's still funny. He is less manic, however, than in his positively goofy Getting Even/Without Feathers days, and this makes Side Effects a more nuanced read. Woody picks and chooses when to flash the laughs, as in an article discussing UFOs:

[I]n 1822 Goethe himself notes a strange celestial phenomenon. "En route home from the Leipzig Anxiety Festival," he wrote, "I was crossing a meadow, when I chanced to look up and saw several fiery red balls suddenly appear in the southern sky. They descended at a great rate of speed and began chasing me. I screamed that I was a genius and consequently could not run very fast, but my words were wasted. I became enraged and shouted imprecations at them, whereupon they flew away frightened. I related this story to Beethoven, not realizing he had already gone deaf, and he smiled and nodded and said, "Right."

Though not as explosively, mind-alteringly funny as his earlier books, Side Effects is still loaded with chuckles; the much-anthologized "Kugelmass Episode" is worth the price of the book.

My rating: 3 stars

628. A Field Guide to the Urban Hipster (Josh Aiello)

This is what came up when I googled "urban hipster" -- hmmm ....

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
With once-populous rebel groups (hippies, punks, grunge rockers) reduced to cliques that converge at nightclubs for themed outings ("Wednesday is Anarchy Night," perhaps), along come the parodies to nail the club doors shut. On the heels of The Hipster Handbook (2003), this "field guide" takes a mock-scientific approach to identifying species, ranging from AlternaBoys to Urban Moms, in their native habitats. Plumage ("brightly dyed" for Ravers) and voice ("short barking notes" for Metal Heads) are noted, as are mating habits, herd mentality, and natural enemies (Struggling Actors fear Models for their ability to snare roles without talent). Each section ends with examples of actual habitat (bars, usually) in which each respective breed may be observed (use caution when approaching Thugz). Some researchers may object to the inclusion of Ex-Frats (from the Graecus family) in the Hipster genus, but Aiello's fieldwork is otherwise solid. Clever and funny, despite a passage in which Activists take more of a beating than a ribbing; may prompt occasional musing on the nature of conformity.

My rating: 3 stars

627. Midnight Man (Lisa Marie Rice)

Portland, Oregon

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
Interior decorator Suzanne Barron's new tenant is the most dangerously sexy man she's ever met. Navy Commander John Huntington, a former SEAL (aka 'Midnight Man') works best under cover of darkness. Within hours of meeting him, Suzanne has wild, no-holds barred sex with John, then panics at the depth of her passionate response to such a powerful and dangerous warrior. Suzanne doesn't do sex like that. John is definitely someone she needs to avoid for her own peace of mind. But when killers come for her, Suzanne known she can turn to only one man. John will guard and protect her body. But who will guard and protect her body against John?

My rating: 3 stars

626. The Witches (Roald Dahl)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
"This is not a fairy tale. This is about real witches." So begins one of Roald Dahl's best books ever, and, ironically, it is such a great story because the premise is perfectly plausible from the outset. When the narrator's parents die in a car crash on page two (contrast this terribly real demise with that of James's parents who are devoured by an escaped rhinoceros in James and the Giant Peach), he is taken in by his cigar-smoking Norwegian grandmother, who has learned a storyteller's respect for witches and is wise to their ways.

The bond between the boy and his grandmother becomes the centerpiece of the tale--a partnership of love and understanding that survives even the boy's unfortunate transformation into a mouse. And once the two have teamed up to outwitch the witches, the boy's declaration that he's glad he's a mouse because he will now live only as long as his grandmother is far more poignant than eerie.

Of course, there's adventure here along with Dahl's trademark cleverness and sense of the grotesque. Dahl also communicates some essential truths to children: if they smoke cigars, they'll never catch cold, and, most importantly, they should never bathe, because a clean child is far, far easier for a witch to smell than a dirty one.

My rating: 5 stars

625. Death in the Clouds (Agatha Christie)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
When a woman is murdered with the venom-dipped dart of a South African blow-gun on a routine flight over the English Channel, none of the other passengers witness anything, including Hercule Poirot, who had been fifteen feet away from the victim.

My rating: 4 stars

Publication information:

• 1935
• Collins Crime Club
• London
• Orange/red cloth with black lettering
• Dust wrapper priced at 7/6

624. Gentle Warrior (Julie Garwood)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
In feudal England, Elizabeth Montwright barely escaped the massacre that destroyed her family and exiled her from her ancestral castle. Bent on revenge, she rode again through the fortress gates, disguised as a peasant ... to seek aid from Geoffrey Berkley, the powerful baron who had routed the murderers.

He heard her pleas, resisted her demands, and vowed to seduce his beautiful subject. Yet as Elizabeth fought the warrior's caresses, love flamed for this gallant man who must soon champion her cause ... and capture her spirited heart!

My rating: 2 stars

623. Irresistible (Susan Mallery)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
Returning to his Seattle home after 15 years with the Marines, Walker holds a number of secrets behind his handsome eyes — including the loss of his first love to breast cancer — and has already sworn off women when he offers to help his pretty neighbor Elissa Towers change a tire. Single mom to five-year-old Zoe, Elissa has also sworn off dating, despite her daughter's desperation for a father and her own unfulfilled sexual needs, but is drawn to Walker's strength and stoicism. Dedicated entirely to raising Zoe, Elissa plans to keep her involvement with Walker strictly imaginary ("Only thirteen more years... Then I can have sex again"), but thanks to prying family and neighbors, the two are pushed together. Soon, they're playing therapist for each other, salving old wounds and sparking love between them.

My rating: 3 stars

My review: I would have given the book 4 stars but for the fact that Cal Buchanan owns The Daily Grind. There are Daily Grinds where I live and it serves overpriced crappy coffee. In my previous place of work, the nearest place to get coffee was The Daily Grind and I spent way too much money there to be generous towards it and towards any mention of a Daily Grind so I had to dock a star.

When it comes to the actual story and writing, the relationship between Elissa and her parents is very well-done. There were some moments which were so poignant and heart-wrenching that it actually made me teary. On the other hand, I didn't really like the Buchanan family -- its members other than Walker and his brother Reid were very melodramatic. In fact, I think leaving out the family would have made the book better. And when does owning 4 restaurants constitute an "empire"???

But I did like Reid and will probably read "Sizzling" which centers around him.

622. The Name of the Rose (Umberto Eco)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
In 1327, finding his sensitive mission at an Italian abbey further complicated by seven bizarre deaths, Brother William of Baskerville turns detective, penetrating the cunning labyrinth of the abbey and deciphering coded manuscripts for clues.

My rating: 4 stars

621. Marly's Choice (Lora Leigh)

Synopsis from Amazon Canada:
Marly's love for Cade has spanned her teenage years, and survived strong and intact into womanhood. Her fantasies and daydreams have sustained her, but she's no longer content with merely imagining the touch of his hands, the taste of his kiss. It's time to seduce the tough, sexy cowboy. She's heard the rumors for years, the tales of his sexual preferences. She's prepared herself to accept his desires. Prepared her body for his touch. But she wasn't prepared for the choice to come .... Cade's dark desires, his sexual excesses are based in the past. In a time when pain, shame, and blood stains his very soul. He carries a secret shared only with his brothers. A secret that has scarred the bond, the ability to be a brother or to accept the love of the men he was raised with. He knows the only way to prove his loyalty, his love for those brothers and Marly will be the key. She has a choice. She can surrender to Cade's needs, his soul deep desires, or she can walk away. A choice only Marly can make. A choice that will change her life forever.

My rating: 4 stars

620. Mounting Desire (Nina Killham)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Jack Carter has everything a woman could want: he is single, has a successful job as a romance writer, and owns a house in Venice Beach, California. But he is a "born-again virgin," and women have terrorized him in their attempts to force him to break his vow. Enter his sister's friend Molly, who needs a place to stay after being fired for inappropriate sexual behavior. Reluctantly, Jack agrees to his new temporary roommate. Molly decides to try her hand at writing romances, but while Jack actually is looking for romance, Molly is just looking for hot, steamy sex. As the two opposites live together, their lives deteriorate into a hilarious free fall of miscommunications and individual sexual misadventures that lead them to reevaluate what they are looking for in life.

My rating: 3 stars

619. Heartless (Kat Martin)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Upon the Earl of Greville's death in 1802, his newly legitimized bastard son, Justin Ross, inherits the Greville estates as well as Ariel Summers, a plucky girl who had pledged to become his father's mistress in exchange for schooling on how to be a lady. Though he has little interest in making Ariel consummate the bargain, when she finally graduates and comes to live with him, Justin finds his intentions skewed by his attraction to her bright spirit and his dislike of her friendship with his worst enemy. And despite Ariel's own determination to repay her debt without becoming Justin's mistress, she soon discovers her heart has different ideas. But Justin's mistrust of Ariel's loyalty and her fear that he is incapable of love threaten to pull the pair apart.

My rating: 2 stars

618. One Night of Passion (Elizabeth Boyle)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Set during the Napoleonic wars, this fast-moving intrigue portrays the romance between an English spy and the gutsy daughter of an English spymaster. Upon learning that her uncle has promised her in marriage to an aging rou‚ and that her unknown guardian, Lord Danvers, has approved the match Georgie Escott vows to thwart their plans in the only way possible to ruin herself. At the Cyprian Ball, she meets Colin Danvers, an officer who's been branded a traitor. Ignorant of Colin's identity, Georgie goes through with her plan and leaves him after a single night. One year later, Colin rescues an English spy from attacking French forces and runs into Georgie, her baby and her sister, Kit, in the midst of the melee. Georgie has been posing as a widow for the past year, but she doesn't rejoice when Colin hauls her onto his ship, especially when she learns his identity. Instead, she demands to try her luck with the French.

My rating: 3 stars

617. The Witch of Blackbird Pond (Elizabeth George Speare)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Forced to leave her sunny Caribbean home for the bleak Connecticut Colony, Kit Tyler is filled with trepidation. As they sail up the river to Kit's new home, the teasing and moodiness of a young sailor named Nat doesn't help. Still, her unsinkable spirit soon bobs back up. What this spirited teenager doesn't count on, however, is how her aunt and uncle's stern Puritan community will view her. In the colonies of 1687, a girl who swims, wears silk and satin gowns, and talks back to her elders is not only headstrong, she is in grave danger of being regarded as a witch. When Kit befriends an old Quaker woman known as the Witch of Blackbird Pond, it is more than the ascetics can take: soon Kit is defending her life. Who can she count on as she confronts these angry and suspicious townspeople?

My rating: 3 stars

616. BlackWind (Charlotte Boyett-Compo)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Sean and Bronwyn have loved one another since grammar school. Believing Sean isn't good enough for their child, Bronwyn's parents will do everything in their power to keep them apart, including spiriting Bronwyn off to a secluded convent in Ireland. But Sean isn't entirely human. Born of an Earthly mother and implanted with an alien parasite that makes it possible for him to shape-shift into a wolf-like creature, the young man is far more than Bronwyn's parents counted on. Determined to be reunited with the woman he loves, Sean will do what is necessary to have her in his arms once again. From the mists of time and space, another creature lies in wait, eager to steal Bronwyn from Sean. Danyon Hart is a NightWind, an immortal created to aid women in their times of despair. He has heard Bronwyn's lonely cries and has come from the far reaches of the megaverse to claim her. Fighting to get back to one another, the lovers must strive against a brutal evil that is dogging their every footstep.

My rating: 1 star

My review: Never finished.

615. Julie of the Wolves (Jean Craighead George)

The Alaska tundra during the summer

Synopsis from Amazon:
Miyax, like many adolescents, is torn. But unlike most, her choices may determine whether she lives or dies. At 13, an orphan, and unhappily married, Miyax runs away from her husband's parents' home, hoping to reach San Francisco and her pen pal. But she becomes lost in the vast Alaskan tundra, with no food, no shelter, and no idea which is the way to safety. Now, more than ever, she must look hard at who she really is. Is she Miyax, Eskimo girl of the old ways? Or is she Julie (her "gussak"-white people-name), the modernized teenager who must mock the traditional customs? And when a pack of wolves begins to accept her into their community, Miyax must learn to think like a wolf as well. If she trusts her Eskimo instincts, will she stand a chance of surviving?

My rating: 1 star

My review: To this day, almost twenty years later, I remember reading this book in school and hating it.

614. Kiss of Heat (Lora Leigh)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Book 3 in the Feline Breeds series. They've waited a decade to come together. Long years filled with unbearable pain, and soul-wrenching torment that have changed them both. Left wounds that have laid their souls bare. Wounds that stand one chance of healing  if only they could stop fighting each other long enough for the truth to work its healing balm. Kane, a relentless warrior, lost more than his heart to Sherra in a night of mating passion that marked them both for life. But news of her death ripped his soul apart. For years he has fought to avenge the death of the woman he loved more than his own life, by revealing the deceit and cruelty of the Council that created the Breeds. But Sherra didn't die. In a cruel and evil twist she was convinced by her sadistic handlers that the man she had given her body, heart and soul to had betrayed not only her, but the child she carried  and lost. Amid the rapidly escalating violence against the Feline Breeds, Kane and Sherra learn that there's more to mating than just the "heat", just as there's more to love than just the sex.

My rating: 4 stars

613. The Empress's New Clothes (Jaid Black)

Synopsis from Amazon:
Modern day Earth woman Kyra Summers is kidnapped and wed by a seven-foot tall, thickly muscled warrior claiming to be her Sacred Mate. Life on his home planet Tryston takes some getting used to, as the laws of the world cater to erotic hedonism and leave females at the sexual subjugation of the barbarians who claim them. No one said love with an alien would come easily. Enjoy Kyra's spicy escapades as she adjusts to life and love in another dimension.

My rating: 5 stars